Tears of an angel
by AmericanWildDog
Summary: Seras visits the graves of her parents along with the ghostly Captain Bernadotte. Once there she has a tearful breakdown and is comforted by our favorite French mercenary.


**Just a heads up that every Hellsing fic I write will have a song title but no song lyrics in it. You might get a reference but no actual lyric. Makes 1% of my job here easier.**

Her mind was not easy to describe.

How could anyone describe the inside of someone else's mind? It was hard to explain it when that particular mind belonged to someone you cared about more than yourself. There were no flowery fields and cheerful music to greet him when he first entered the recesses of Seras Victoria's conscious. There were no fields of death either like he had also thought he would come across. The young vampire had just helped fight a war and had seen countless atrocities and deaths. But there were no ghouls to rip his flesh apart. No scary vampires to shoot his gun at (did he even have a gun anymore...nope, guess not). Not to mention there were no faces of of long dead ones she might have considered familiar and close to her heart.  
She had told him about her parents. Well she had mentioned they both died when she was very young and left it at that. Pip never truly understood how horrible their deaths really were until that Millennium bitch put all of her worst memories on display for everyone. How could anyone get put through all that and still be so...so...kind-hearted?

Pip wondered if all other minds were like this or if each one was as unique as the being it belonged too. Surely they had to be as different as a fingerprint? Even twins, who were said to have strongly connected psyches possessed different patterns on their fingers. So surely their minds must be different in some ways as well. Well, Seras was as different and special as they come in his opinion.

What did it matter anyway? He was inside of her mind and no one else. That was just the way he liked it. Despite the slight eeriness at certain times he felt at home here.

It was like a barren landscape. Only it wasn't totally barren for it did have a bit of life in it. You had to listen very closely though and keep an eye out for patterns and shadows that he would have missed in the outside world. His single green eye had already picked up so much. Little voices that called out in unfamiliar voices. Glimpses of forms that may or may not be there. There were even times he could swear that an entire village or building was just out of reach only to realize nothing was there once he focused. Everything was just like a dream. One minute something was there but the second you looked away and turned back to it just to find out it was either gone or changed in some way.

It should have driven him crazy. Perhaps in a way it did from the way he craved it all like a drug. He so desperately wanted to see everything in his girl's mind and find all the good memories as well as the bad ones. If he could, he would make sure that her nightmares were never again filled with the images of her bloody parents. Hell, she would never have nightmares again if he could help it.

* * *

Seras had visited the grave-site only a few times. Once during the actual funeral, again when she was sixteen, and the last time had been when she graduated from the police academy. Oh how excited she had been when she told her parents what she did and how happy she was that she was going to take up her father's work. When it occurred to her that she was, yet again, speaking to lifeless stones that held nothing but the memories of the dusty bones below she started bawling. The fact that she had never gone to see their graves after joining Hellsing made a wave of guilt hit her in the middle of sleeping one day. After defeating Millennium and having things settle down for five years there had not been many concerns or reasons to fret over the past for her or Sir Integra.

Nope, just cleaning up London had been everyone's main concern. At first money was the largest thought on everyone's minds. But then, surprise, once it was discovered that all of the blimps left over from the attack were filled up with money, jewels, and other valuables, they managed to solve one major problem overnight. Not to mention the amount of ghouls ,leftover Nazis ,and the occasional vampire to dispose of kept Seras busy for many months.

What little Wild Geese there were (about twelve or so in total) had stayed with and helped rebuild the mansion as well as bury the dead. A huge bonfire was set to clean up the last battalion corpses. They had all agreed none of them were worth the labor of a real burial. Besides, fire was the best way to make sure the dead never got back up again wasn't it?

Five years had come and gone by so fast. It wasn't even until Sir Integra had mentioned to her when she would like to start training new recruits after so long that Seras realized how much time had passed. Of course she agreed to start as soon as Sir Integra saw fit, but first she had to take care of some personal business. Personal business in a town that she had almost forgotten. Sit Integra understood completely. the two had grown quite close in the time they worked together.

Now she stood here in front of the tombstones of her long-dead mother and father. The stones themselves had stood against the rain and weather but a thin layer of moss covered the back. Despite that it was clear that her parents grave markers and the rest surrounding them were well cared for. It was quite the small cemetery.

After all these years she was still able to remember them. That horrible encounter with Zorin blitz had not only scarred her mentally but had also given her a refresh on what her parents faces looked like. Eventually she was able to recall times where the faces were not frozen in fear or the cold grip of death. Seras could now reminisce on times when her father would carry her on his shoulders or let her sit in his lap after dinner and listen to his stories from work. Or the way her mother would gently wake her in the morning for school and the scent of her perfume when she held her close to comfort her during a thunderstorm. Little memories like that held so much sentimental value to her. Lately the memories of such events were coming back to her more often. She couldn't explain it or give any explanation other than her recent transformation into a full vampire. Perhaps along with her increased strength and healing abilities she now had a better control over her mental capacity and was able to unearth long-lost memories and faces. If only she could control it and discover them all. For now they came to her in spurts at the most random times; mostly when she was at a period of relaxing.

The memories gave her a small comfort. Nothing was worse than the slow realization that even if they were alive she would only have ended up outliving them. Seras knew that most parents wanted their children to outlive them anyways but the more thought she gave it the more depressing it became.

How long had it been since she had cried over her mum and dad? Did the time she 'died' count? Her very last thought before blacking out had been about their tragic deaths. Oh how unfair it all seemed to her! Her father had been such a good and kindly man. Seras loved and respected him so much when she was a little girl and one of her silly little dreams back then had been to take over for him once he was old and carry on his legacy as one of the best policemen in the force. What a little fool she had been to think she had any control over her fate.

Seras fell to her knees with the tears still flowing down her alabaster cheeks. Strands of blond hair stuck to her smooth cheeks as she sobbed quietly. Her father had only been trying to do the right thing by bringing bringing justice and protecting the innocent. Why did men like her father die while scum like the murderers who killed him live? On top of that why did her mother leave the earth along with him? A woman who would have done anything for her only child and died trying to protect her. Neither of them deserved the horrible fate they received.

 _Why didn't I join them that night? By all accounts I should have died a slow and painful death. Even the doctors at the hospital were amazed that I was still alive when I was brought in. All they kept asking themselves was how I managed to keep myself awake._

A gunshot wound to the abdomen was no small thing to just walk off, especially when she recalled how much blood she lost during the whole event. Everyone called it a miracle from God. Some Godly miracle it all turned out to be in the end considering what she grew up to become. She very much doubted she would ever be called a 'child of God ever again. She didn't have that privilege anymore. Any hope she had as a child of meeting her parents again in heaven had been dashed long ago after becoming a creature of the undead.

'Ah cher, if there was any vampire that would be given access to heaven it would be you.'

Pip whispered to her gently. The ghostly form of the Wild Geese captain started to take shape next to her with wisps of transparent smoke started to circle her form.

It took just a small amount of energy for Captain Bernadotte to get to Seras's level on the ground. His hands, which were rough and covered in scars, cupped her face with tender love. Fingers that had pulled triggers to end lives wiped away her tears and relished the feel of her soft skin.

"Don't cry angel. My tough little angel. If your parents could see you now I bet they would be so proud of you!" Pip leaned his forehead against hers. "You've been through so much and look how far you've come. Anyone would be lucky to call you their daughter." His voice was gentle and kind. The kindest she had ever heard him speak.

Seras was so use to him appearing when she needed him she didn't even try to pull away from his hands.

"I thought I had moved on but..." Seras let out a deep breath she had been holding in. In an attempt to get closer she placed both hands on his shoulders and tugged him towards her and he pressed against Seras without struggle. "Every so often I think about them and how they left me or even what would have happened if they had never died, then I start remembering how much I wanted to make them proud of me and how nothing drives me to succeed more than their memories." By now the tears had stopped but an empty feeling was starting to spread from her chest to the rest of her, leaving her tired and indifferent to her surroundings.

Instantly Pip embraced her relentlessly in a comforting and protective hold. His nose pressed against her hair while his large hands rubbed circles on her shoulders and back.

"You're too good for this piece of shit world mignonette. How does a war dog like me end up with a girl as pure as you? Do you even know how much it upsets me when you put yourself down or cry from nightmares of the past?" His mouth was pressed against her head but she heard him just fine. "They may be gone from this earth but not from your heart. I miss my mum and my grandpere but I will never forget them even in death." He petted her head and pulled away from her, still holding the girl by her waist. "You keep them alive cherie. You keep me alive. You keep everyone alive with that strong-willed heart of yours. I don't regret dying at all Seras. I never would have met you if I had never accepted the job at Hellsing." That single green eye of his was almost glowing in the night. Glowing with what? Affection?

The sadness started to leave her mind while Pip held her to him. Oh how this man had gotten under her skin so many times! All the times he flirted and teased her in front of his own men. The way he would sometimes make fun of her when she shot at the wrong target. Every single attempted kiss that made her want to strangle him with his own braid! The way he had talked with her like a normal person in Rio during their little outing. Or when he gave her a pep talk before every mission to quell her anxiety. The last moment they shared right before the mansion was stormed and wiped out. His support when she fought the werewolf Millennium Captain.

"I don't regret anything either." She told him with a soft smile as the tears dried up. It didn't even bother her that the tears resembled streaks of blood on her cheeks and anyone would take one look at her and feel terror not pity. She didn't care at all, not when Pip looked at her like she was the only one he could see.

It was true. She didn't regret accepting immortality that night in Cheddar. Sure it had been a long and rough climb but it had all been worth it now that the war had ended. In a strange way she had continued her father's legacy of protecting the innocent and fighting for justice. In Hellsing she eradicated the corrupt undead and supernatural beings who only wanted to spread chaos on the unsuspecting world. She was a captain who trained rookie soldiers, the feared avenging angel of Hellsing, and she was the new top agent who could always be counted on to make sure the enemy never got up again. In a way, she had replaced her vampire sire and master, Alucard. Like her father, she was considered 'one of the best.'

Once again those rough hands held her face gently. They both smiled while they stared each other in a collective sense of happiness and shared memories that connected their minds and souls to one another. Yes, Seras didn't regret anything.

"Whatever else comes our way I'll never let you fight it alone Seras." He promised her.


End file.
